I'm calling to provide you with an update...

And by update I mean I'm calling to tell you the same thing I've told you 5 times before: "I need to get more information (from my end) before I can get an answer for you." And by more information I don't mean from you (the consumer whom I called) I mean from us the provider of service (and the initiator of this call). Does this make sense to you? Yeah me neither. Let me tell you a little story of the black box that couldn't and the company called Micro$haft (names have been changed to protect the guilty).
As most of you may know my loving wife bought me an Xbox 360 (BTW 360 = number of hours I have now spent trying to get my console back). She opted to buy me the nicest of the consoles the one that was called Elite (suggesting that it may be better than the "standard"). Well after a few months of happy use- not excessive by any stretch (I'm thinking of all night parties with my Nintendo- man that thing never could die- still hasn't in fact 20 years later and plays most reliable of all), it died. Fine, I got the Red Ring of Death (google it- it's ingrained into American Gaming Lexicon). So I called M$ who closed WHILE I was on the phone. So I had to call back- fine. I called in on Monday October 1st, at 6:30 AM (yeah I got up that early just for that), I was helped promptly by a fine young man who said I would be receiving a box to ship it back to M$ in about 4-5 days (AKA Friday at the latest). Away we went willing the box here faster- Friday the 5th came and went and no box- OK I guess I'll call Monday. Monday's call nets me the following: UMMMMMmmmmmmmm I don't know how this system did this but.... we never got your request for a box... we have your call we just didn't ship the box- huh!?! Fine, ship me a box NOW, please. So I wait again.... yup 4 days later it gets here (that would be Thurs., Oct 11th). I rushed home and packed my console in the box and voila! Shipped! Sweet so they told me it takes no more than 10-12 business days to look over the console and either A) Fix it (unlikely) or B) Ship me a replacement (likely). So I watch UPS.com anxiously tracking my box every step of the way... HOORAY it arrived- signed in at 10:56 AM on Tues Oct 16th. Sweet so lets say it takes 12 days past that...carry the 3...add 2...subtract for gravitational pull...count Halloween as a holiday and.... yup, should be getting an answer NO LATER than November 2nd. OK I'm ok with that I've got lots to do. So on November 3rd I start to get worried and I start calling. First I get some people who tell me that it seems to have taken a bit longer- huh? Fine, I'll wait. By the start of next week I'm mad, I want an answer, so I do what anyone should do, call back. Now at this point I'm not gonna go into details, but sufficeth to say I have called at least 25 times, spoken to 10+ supervisors and at least, 20 first line helpers. I have also e-mailed 3 times.
See here's the problem THEY DON'T KNOW DIDDLY! They can never help me, I have been transferred/referred to the "Call Back Team" 3 times and have gotten 5 total call backs from 3 distinct groups. All with the answer seen at the start: Umm we don't know why, it shouldn't take this long. Their latest is "We don't have any replacement consoles in- fine FIX MINE instead."
I've asked for refunds- umm well we can't do that, I've asked for a reason that is has taken this long... uhhh we don't have one. I have asked for a manager... uhh we don't have one that speaks to people.
So now I am just PISSED! Yup I said it- I'm so mad that every time Xbox calls I yell, and yell, and yell. - On a side note they don't like it when you ask them personal questions about what they PERSONALLY are gonna do and they REALLY don't like it when you use their first name e.g. "What are you doing, David, to ensure that my console is being fixed?" Also I have found that rhetorical questions that often point out grammatical or contradictory statements that they make seems to really make them not like you.
I'm now a hostage of Micro$haft for 45 days- if only they'd send me a ransom to tell me how I can be released from their stranglehold-like grip. Better yet- if only they'd just give me a real answer.
So all I can say at this point is how much I hate this situation- it's not about video games, I've got plenty of those to play, it's about how my expensive investment in technology is now the laughing joke of M$ and how they seem like they're really just out to get me.